Life & People
Life & People

Some of the latest news to come out of the Vatican is that the Pope has attacked Italy's abortion laws, excoriating doctors who perform the procedure. But far less predictable is the Church embracing little green men from other planets. Carlo Rambaldi, designer of the E.T. character, would approve
For those of us who were the inquisitive kids at Sunday school, who delighted in pestering the nuns with questions of the kind “If the wafer is really the body of our Lord, does that mean I’m a cannibal?”, we tended to find—disappointingly—that no matter how sticky the topic, the unruffled sisters always had an answer. And so it is with the Church. If ever you’ve wondered how extra-terrestrial life enters into God’s plan, wonder no more: ye shall have an answer.
The lead astronomer at the Vatican released a statement Tuesday, that should aliens exist, they are also creatures of God. Preemptively allaying any concerns that the discovery of outer-planetary life would unsettle creationist theory, Father José Gabriel Funes, the Argentinean priest who is head of the Vatican Observatory, asserted that “any aliens would also be part of Creation. This does not clash with our faith because we cannot set limits on God's creative freedom”, thus implying that aliens would share our same God. He went on to say, “if we view earthly creatures as our brothers and sisters, why can’t we speak of a brother from another planet?”
Funes rose to the top of the Vatican’s scientific institution two years ago, after the former head had taken a disagreeable position on evolution. Continuing his musings on our brothers from another planet, he also suggested that if aliens were more evolved than we are, and had maintained a full friendship with their Creator, they might not need saving to enter Heaven. So Rambaldi's E.T. is off the hook, and somewhere, Dennis Kucinich is smiling.
Is the Pope an "Indiana Jones" fan?
Or is it just a coincidence that this decree comes the same week as the release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which posits that aliens are just as real as the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Covenant, which were supernatural "archaeological artifacts" in two previous IJ films?
Una domanda...
Here's a question for Padre Funes. Are aliens descendants of Adam and Eve? And if they are not, are they therefore free of original sin?
Wish I could ask him myself but...
I think it's specifically because aliens would not be considered descendants of Adam and Eve that Funes went so far as to say they're not in need of "saving", and thereby exempt from original sin. Seeing as the Church has taken this almost reverential attitude towards extra-terrestrials, should the opportunity ever present itself, I think our planet has found some friendly inter-galactic emissaries in bishops and cardinals. And the Church could really seize on the opportunity to redeem its reputation: "we come in peace", rather than "we've come to convert you, heathen". Next question: is, or is the clergy not, just as excited as I am for the x-files movie to come out this summer?
What an amazing institution
What an amazing institution is the Catholic Church.
Perhaps what we gay people need to do is proclaim ourselves to be extraterrestrials. Maybe then all the anathemas from the Vatican would cease, Ratzinger would realize that the people who design his cute shoes and fab outfits aren't evil, and we'd get some of that "almost reverential attitude."